The Road to Resilience that Doesn’t Kill Us
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
Whether you’re a student of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (who wrote this in 1888) or a hip-hop fan who reads those words and immediately thinks of Kanye West (who dropped the message on top of a Timbaland beat 119 years later in 2007) or just someone who’s been on Earth long enough to hear an excessive amount of regurgitated motivational clichés, you’re likely familiar with this idea. We don’t need to look any further than Nietzsche’s own life to be certain that this theory isn’t medically sound, as he suffered from pneumonia and three strokes (none of which made him stronger) in the last few years of his relatively short life.
So, let’s assume that this belief refers to mental and emotional strength, and speaks to the power of resilience. Do we believe that personal hardship truly makes us stronger? If not, then how do we become more resilient? Do we think resilience is a trait or a skill?
First things first, what is resilience? A common definition is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. Resilience is about being tough and gritty and walking unflinchingly through life’s most powerful punches. Some people seem to be born with it, but resilience isn’t completely innate. It can be developed and nurtured through the course of life, so it’s more of a dynamic process than a trait or skill. Ernest Hemingway wrote, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” Without a doubt, personal hardship sometimes results in enhanced resilience, but it can also damage humans irreparably. So, without throwing ourselves into the face of danger and hoping for a positive outcome, how can we strengthen our personal resilience? Self-awareness, self-care, and disciplined mindset are where we focus.
Self-awareness is mile marker 1 on the road to resilience. When we have a clear understanding of our personality, including strengths, weaknesses, and emotional triggers, then we are able to avoid potentially self-destructive situations. A keen sense of self-awareness enables us to successfully navigate the stormy patches of life and recover quickly, whether it be a bad day at the office or an extended season of misfortune. We must understand our emotional tendencies, identify the source of our personal strength, and then lean heavily on it when needed. Family, friends, mentors, fitness, generosity, and spirituality are all examples, but each of us are different and find vitality in unique ways. Someone else’s strength is not always the same as yours and vice versa…discover the wellspring of your personal energy and drink from it frequently.
While self-awareness enables us to understand our personal limits, possible breaking points, and sources of strength…self-care aims to transform our body and mind into the ultimate coping machine. Think of self-care as proactive preparation for a stressful event to be encountered sometime in the future. We don’t know if this unborn episode will crash into our lives in the next five minutes or two years from now, but we must condition and fine tune ourselves for the upcoming ordeal. A healthy diet, good sleep, and regular exercise are essential components of physical self-care. Emotionally, it’s important to seek out trusted supporters and talk through issues, as these conversations will help to manage troublesome situations and decide on a remedial plan of action. In addition, we care for ourselves spiritually through meditation, prayer, and connection with nature. Once again, we must focus on understanding ourselves so that we can each customize our own personal health plan.
Mindset can make or break our resilience. To be clear, there is tragedy, trial, and circumstance in life that isn’t solved by a simple “mind over matter” attitude, but in many cases, our perspective can dramatically affect outcome, for better or worse. When facing adversity, contemplate three questions.
1. Is gratitude possible in this situation? Please don’t interpret this to mean that “everything happens for a reason” because some life events are inexplicable. Rather, embrace the possibility that something positive can result from any situation. Searching for the proverbial silver lining isn’t meant to suggest that we should sugarcoat the entire experience and ignore reality. Instead, we fully acknowledge the bad, and then include it with gratitude in our analysis of the problem.
2. What is within our control? Resilient people focus on what they can influence. Trying to change what isn’t within our sphere of control is a waste of energy and emotion, and leads to feelings of helplessness. On the other hand, focusing on what we can control will empower us and evoke positive emotions.
3. What can be learned? As humans, we will inevitably make mistakes along the path of life, but the lessons learned from those missteps are incredibly valuable when building resilience. Oscar Wilde said that experience is simply the name that we give our mistakes, so accept your mistakes as a part of life and always try to learn from them.
Most importantly, as kind leaders, we must understand our personal ability to spark resilience in the lives of others. Through kindness, support, and affirmation, we provide strength to the people around us. Robert Ingersoll said, “we rise by lifting others”, and every single day, we are surrounded by opportunities to help. One seemingly insignificant gesture of compassion could very well be the human touch that someone desperately needs to overcome a struggle. We are powerful beyond measure.
Get to know yourself. Take care of yourself. Strengthen your mindset. Make a difference.
